


just take a breath, tiger

by Lire_Casander



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Fire, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Panic Attacks, Spoilers to 202, Spoilers to 204
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 10:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22494322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lire_Casander/pseuds/Lire_Casander
Summary: A collection of 9-1-1 Lone Star drabbles, mainly Tarlos. All 100 - 300 words long.Below, the latest additions!17. tarlos + “ow! what was that for?!” (forsadlyamundane)18. tarlos + “if that’s the only reason you came here, just go home” (fortiniestmite)19. tarlos + "i could really use your help, not your attitude" (forhollyhobbit101)20. tarlos + "the number one cure for sadness is an outrageously tight hug" (forimmortalstrand)21. tarlos + "that’s why i never told you!" (for anon over at tumblr)22. paul & mateo + "what kind of... dream?" (forannide)23. tarlos + being parents + "let me help you with that" (for anon over at tumblr)24. tarlos + "that's not what you said last night" (for TaylorNicole)
Relationships: Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)/TK Strand
Comments: 115
Kudos: 294





	1. something so suicidal ~ tarlos + together

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Carlos' speech in S01E02, right before the whole dinner disaster.
> 
> These are unbeta'ed, and I'm a non-native writer. All mistakes are my own. What I don't own, though, are the characters. They are all the writers' and Fox's.
> 
> Most of the prompts come from my personal challenge over tumblr for [thirsty thursdays](https://lire-casander.tumblr.com/post/640311000511528960/gif-by-scoundrels-in-love-thanks-for-letting), a variation of [ao3commentoftheday](https://ao3commentoftheday.tumblr.com/)'s challenge for thursdays. you can also go and [leave me a one-word prompt](https://lire-casander.tumblr.com/ask) if you don't want to choose one prompt from the lists!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** implied violence as per canon, writer doesn’t know what she’s doing, use of lines as per canon

“—why you felt compelled to do something so suicidal.”

There’s dried blood on the corner of TK’s lips.

Carlos wants to build a shield against TK — a futile effort to ignore what he feels in the aftermath of TK’s tendency to avoid emotional confrontation by seeking physical pain. He wonders what’s so traumatic in his past that TK won’t allow him in.

Lips draw a disdainful grimace.

He’s suffocating in those bottomless eyes — they are intimately linked to all his memories of their time together.

“Got a little crud there, by the way,” he finally says, offering the tissue box.


	2. table set for two ~ tarlos + together + cuddles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** fluff

Carlos unlocks the front door for the first time in a day and a half. He stops dead in his tracks at the sight in front of him when he steps inside — table set for two, complete with a bouquet of roses, no one around. Carlos’ frown deepens.

His boyfriend’s asleep on the couch.

“Ty,” he whispers softly, the nickname that’s only his to use rolling off his tongue. “I’m home.”

TK barely opens his eyes when Carlos nudges him and lies down, arms around him. He drops a kiss on TK’s hairline before drifting off to sleep as well.


	3. a blur of navy blue ~ tarlos + together + cuddles + angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** mentions of cancer

A blur of navy blue rushes past Carlos. He sees Captain Strand holding himself up against the door to his office, panting. He doesn’t even think twice, he follows suit.

He finds TK slumped against a wall around the corner from the station, hands covering his face, whole body shaking. Carlos drops down beside him.

“He’s dying,” TK sobs. Carlos doesn’t need clarification. He hugs TK, so small, so breakable. “He’ll leave me. Everyone leaves me.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me?” The hope in his voice takes hold of Carlos’ soul like a vice.

Carlos holds him closer, tightening his grip.


	4. nonsensical noise ~ tarlos + sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** mentions of drug abuse, angst

He’s chaotic, a rumble of nonsensical noise that adds up to the bleeding in his soul, a darkness that takes hold of him at night, burning him.

That’s why he started using.

That’s why he fell for Alex’s lies.

That’s why he never stays at Carlos’.

One night, Carlos traps him, his bigger frame pinning him to the bed. When he can’t get free, he decides to rest his head against Carlos’ chest, and allows Carlos’ heartbeat to lull him to sleep, engulfed in warmth and love.

The chaos quiets. The noise gets appeased. The darkness disappears.

So he stays.


	5. feathered touch ~ tarlos + which one is your favorite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** mentions of cancer

TK is sitting on Carlos’ couch watching some show on TV that he’s not paying attention to. He’s too engrossed in the pain he _feels_ whenever he thinks of the illness slowly stealing him away to actually do anything but sink into Carlos’ distracted, feathered touch on his arm. 

“Which one is your favorite?” he hears Carlos ask.

TK blinks, realizing he’s spaced out and he doesn’t know what Carlos is talking about. However, he thinks of all the times Carlos has been there for him — the sleepless nights, the cravings, the tears — and smiles up at his boyfriend. 

“You.” 


	6. like a tsunami ~ tarlos + who did this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** fluff that will give you cavities, a pup

He comes back after one of the longest days in history to a home that looks like a tsunami swept through it — in a bed of feathers from destroyed cushions, he spots his boyfriend and their newly adopted pup Alma. 

“Who did this?” Carlos asks, an amused smile betraying his otherwise feigned annoyance. 

TK looks up from the mess with a bashful grin before reaching out and grabbing his arm. Carlos has no warning, he falters, stumbling upon them with a startled yelp. 

And when he’s being attacked by Alma’s licks and TK’s _welcome home_ kisses, he can’t really complain. 


	7. fragile ~ tarlos + is this seat taken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** angst

He leans back, resting his head on the hard wall. It’s been a trying shift, too many reminders of how fragile they all are, of how he’s slowly losing the only support he’s had for his whole life. He feels the familiar prickle of tears against his closed eyelids.

“Is this seat taken?”

He cracks an eye open and sees Carlos hovering over him before dropping by his side, an arm slinging around his shoulders, and he’s pulled against the staccato of Carlos’ heartbeat.

Maybe his world won’t be at ease any time soon, but right now he can pretend.


	8. such a child ~ tarlos + "i know it hurts"

“I know it hurts, but you need to stop squirming.”

TK huffs indignantly, glaring from the couch, green eyes shooting daggers. 

“Tyler,” Carlos says sternly. “All you have is a cut, and that’s because somehow you’ve managed to catch the edge of the table while you fell over nothing.”

TK purses his lips. “Besides,” Carlos whispers as he leans in closer, “if you behave, I may have a treat for you later.” 

Immediately, TK offers the injured arm. He can get through the ordeal of stinging cuts if he gets a reward in the form of one Carlos Reyes later.


	9. of softness and pillow forts ~ tarlos + a stolen kiss + "this is new"

“This is new,” Carlos says upon entering their apartment, when he sees his boyfriend sprawled on the floor, surrounded by throw pillows and blankets. 

“What is new?” TK questions, not even bothering looking up from the task at hand.

“I’ve never had a pillow fort before,” Carlos confesses before he flops down next to TK.

“Well, now you do,” TK announces gleefully.

Carlos can’t help himself – he leans in and steals a kiss out of those plush lips. “God, I love you.”

Laugh echoing on the walls, TK sobers before replying, ever so softly, “I know. I love you too.”


	10. flames ~ lone star + fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** mentions of fire

Marjan has always been fascinated by the fire. 

First as a kid, barely six, watching enraptured as the flames danced in front of her in the chimney at the cabin his family had rented for winter break. 

Then, as an adult, presented with the choice to follow her instincts and uproot herself to Texas, to the 126, to that bunch of strangers that fit perfectly together.

Now, gearing up to enter a burning building.

When the flames surround her, Marjan knows she’s got it under control – and even if she doesn’t, she has her family to help her through it.


	11. purple ~ tarlos + lightly kissing on top of a freshly formed bruise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** mentions of injuries, mentions of theft, mentions of chasing

His side aches as he moves shirtless, the friction of fabric against the bruise almost unbearable. He looks down at the purpling form. He should have known that chasing after that burglar would end up badly for either – or both – of them.

“Carlos Reyes, what are you doing up?” he hears at his back. When he turns, TK is staring sternly down at him. 

He wants to protest but his breath catches as the pain spikes up.

TK leans in and drops a soft kiss to the purple bruise. “Go sit on the couch.” 

Carlos obliges, falling asleep almost immediately.


	12. properly loved ~ tarlos + holding their hand while walking, even if there isn’t a crowd

TK is a very tactile person, he’s always been, even as a child. He never grew out of it, until he realized it bothered Alex so much. He learned to stop himself before reaching Alex’s fingers, even though he itched to hold his hand.

Things change when he starts dating Carlos Reyes. Carlos isn’t shy about showing how much he cares – even when there’s no one else around, he seems to need to touch TK no matter what. Carlos is always seeking out for him, always ready to hold hands while walking.

It makes TK’s heart soar, feeling _finally_ loved.


	13. not my boyfriend boyfriend ~ tarlos + settling in front of the fireplace at night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** fluff

There’s a magic in the way the flames dance in front of them, painting Carlos’ features in oranges and reds. TK doesn’t think he’s ever been as in love as he feels now. There’s nothing that he wants more than to spend the rest of his nights with Carlos, cuddled together beneath a blanket in front of a fireplace.

Maybe it’s time for him to take that leap of faith and just jump off the cliff of being _just_ a boyfriend – maybe it’s time for him to get rid of this paralyzing fear.

Maybe it’s time to become _a fiancé_.


	14. let me take care of you ~ tarlos + getting a cold and having a red nose from using hundreds of tissues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** fluff, characters having a cold

Carlos wakes up to a cold bed, the spot where TK usually sleeps empty. There’s a sneezing coming from the living room that has Carlos up and running before he can think of it.

TK is sitting on the couch, surrounded by used tissues, his nose red and irritated. His eyes are watery and he’s shivering.

“TK.” 

“I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Go back to bed. I’ll go make some soup,” he tells his husband, who obliges with a pout.

Carlos disappears into the kitchen, ready to take care of TK the way TK takes care of him.


	15. freezing cold ~ tarlos + eating gallons of ice cream despite the cold weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** a bit of screeching, fluff

“What are you doing?”

Carlos stops his movement, spoon full of chocolate chip ice cream midway to his half-open mouth. “Eating ice cream?” he answers truthfully, not fully understanding TK’s screeching.

“It’s actually _freezing_ outside, Carlos. You’re going to catch a cold!”

He blinks slowly, putting the spoon back into the container. “I have never heard such thing.”

“Everyone knows that!”

Carlos can’t help it – he bursts into laughter. “That’s nonsense, you know, darling.” When TK pouts angrily at him, Carlos relents. “Fine, I’ll stop!”

The beaming grim he earns is worth the lack of ice cream – for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually end up with tonsillitis if i eat ice cream in winter, so maybe tk isn't that far off...


	16. when it all comes down ~ tarlos + "there's room enough for both of us"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** spoilers for S02E02, mentions of character's death, angst, hurt/comfort

He’s been sitting on the stairs ever since he got Grace’s call. TK should have already come home from his shortened shift – broken and bruised and hopeless, but back in one piece.

Carlos thinks that _thank God_ it wasn’t TK.

It’s not that he doesn’t like Tim – and he really should get used to talking about him in past tense – but Carlos wasn’t in love with Tim. Carlos never reflected on how life would be without Tim on it, he never felt like choking when the thought of losing Tim assaulted him.

Carlos would die if he lost TK; he’s needed this wake-up call to realize the true depths of his feelings.

He’s ready when the door opens, revealing TK, defeated and drained of all energy. But Carlos is ready – to catch his boyfriend when he inevitably falls, to wipe away his tears, to hold him. Ready to just _be_.

And TK drops into Carlos’ arms, depleted and lost, and Carlos catches him. There’s nowhere else he’d rather be than right here, kissing TK’s head and holding him while TK’s whole world dissolves like smoke after an explosion.

An indefinite amount of time later – it could have been a minute or a year, Carlos doesn’t know – TK squirms, trying to extricate himself from Carlos’ touch. “I should get going, I don’t wanna impose,” he mutters.

“You can stay if you want,” Carlos says softly when TK leans back enough to meet his eyes. “There's room enough for both of us.”

TK searches into Carlos’ eyes before nodding solemnly. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“You don’t have to,” Carlos promises. “Never again. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

And TK leans back in Carlos’ embrace, allowing his boyfriend to take care of him – fully, with his whole self.


	17. leash ~ tarlos + “ow! what was that for?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** fluff

TK is lying on the bed, scrolling down Instagram and liking Marjan’s posts from last night – they went again to cheer her on her roller derby adventures. He isn’t expecting Carlos to storm into the room and drop on the bed by his side, his weight dipping into the mattress. 

He isn’t expecting his boyfriend to slap his arm, sending the phone tumbling down on the bed, either.

“Ow! What was that for?!” he cries out, fishing for the device.

“You already know,” Carlos frowns at him. It’s only when TK looks up that he notices Carlos holding a leash in his hand. “When were you going to tell me?” he demands.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” TK says sheepishly. “You weren’t supposed to find that until _I_ gave it to you, once we got to the kennel.”

“We are going to the kennel,” Carlos mumbles in awe, leash still in his tight grip. “But why?”

“Because,” Tk shrugs. He leans into Carlos, kissing his temple softly. “You’ve always wanted to have a dog, and it’s your birthday on Friday.” He says it matter-of-factly, and Carlos laughs.

“I love you, you know.”

“I love you too,” TK whispers.


	18. in a funk ~ tarlos + “if that’s the only reason you came here, just go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warning:** a bit of angst

They have been fighting since the moment they arrived at the park. Carlos doesn’t know when exactly their date night went awry, but it’s gone down the drain so quickly it’s left him dizzy.

And now they are just at each other’s throats.

It all began with TK coming home in a funky mood, and it’s evolving into something bigger as his boyfriend keeps pointing out everything that’s wrong around them.

“Would you just stop complaining, TK? We came here to have a good time,” he tries to reason with his boyfriend.

“You dragged me here!” TK exclaims, hands in the air.

“If that’s the only reason you came here, just go home,” Carlos finally snaps, stopping dead in his tracks. “Just go home, TK, but stop being a jerk.”

 _That_ makes TK shut up quicker than anything else. Carlos sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I shouldn’t have–“ 

“No,” TK interrupts him. “It’s _me_ who should be sorry.”

“Are you going to tell me what’s got you in such a mood?”

TK shrugs before he mutters, “Dad’s been weird once again. I think something’s up with mom.”

Carlos sighs again. He reaches out until his arm is over TK’s shoulders, pulling him into a tight embrace. He knows things have been strange at the Strand household, and he knows TK’s been silently suffering from it. 

“I should have noticed,” he insists. “We’ll go back home, watch a movie, order some pizza.”

“No, no.” TK shakes his head. “I want to be _here_ , with you. Let’s have some fun.”

Carlos hugs him tightly. “You’re not going to enjoy it, and you know that. We’ll come another time.”

“Promise?”

There’s a light in TK’s eyes that both warms and freezes Carlos’ soul – he looks so lost and eager all at once. 

“Promise.”


	19. strings ~ tarlos + "i could really use your help, not your attitude"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** some humor

TK looks up at his boyfriend when Carlos snickers, unmoving and hovering about him. 

"I could really use your help, not your attitude," he mumbles, fidgeting to get out of the predicament he's put himself into. 

"Well, you are a firefighter, you should be able to help yourself right now." 

TK groans. "This was so stupid," he mutters. 

"I have to agree," Carlos giggles. 

"Are you helping me or not?" TK demands, fully knowing that Carlos will, even if he's going to mock him endlessly. 

"Just, wait a second," Carlos smiles, taking out his phone and snapping a few pictures. 

"Hey!" TK protests but Carlos laughs before pocketing the phone and leaning in, fingers deftly helping TK untangle from the impossible knots he's found himself into while he had been trying to relax by playing with three or four loose hoodie strings in between his fingers. 

Before he knew it, his fingers had been trapped and he couldn’t free himself, hands tied together in a way TK had found both impossible and embarrassing. 

That's how Carlos had found him upon coming back home, and he's spent the past ten minutes snickering. 

When TK is finally free, he flexes his fingers and lets out a sigh of relief when he feels the blood rushing back. "I'm never playing with loose strings ever again." 

"You say that now," Carlos jabs back, amused. "We both know you will wrap them around your fingers and chew on them. Just be careful next time, just in case I am not around to save you, Strand." 

"Are you implying there might be a time when you won't be here, Reyes?" 

TK watches as Carlos' eyes widen and his frown deepens. "I will always be there for you, TK," he rushes to say, dropping to his knees in front of TK. 

"I know," TK reassures him. "I know."

Carlos leans in and kisses TK softly before pulling away. "I need to send this to Marjan!" 

TK groans. He's never going to hear the end of this, his found family forever teasing him, but he finds out he doesn't really mind it at all. Not when he is looking at his boyfriend lighting up as he texts Marjan, most surely mocking him and his tendency to find himself in impossible situations. 

That's what love is, he thinks. And for the first time, he isn't afraid. 

He is free.


	20. hold on tight ~ tarlos + "the number one cure for sadness is an outrageously tight hug"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warning:** hurt/comfort, mentions of domestic abuse, mentions of blood

Carlos steps into his condo with heavy feet and an even heavier heart. He allows the clinking of his keys to alert TK that he's home. He doesn't have the energy to call out for his boyfriend. 

He falls on the couch, eyes lost in a black spot next to the TV across the room, mind tangled in memories. A single tear finds its way down his cheek. 

TK shows up at the bottom of the staircase an indefinite amount of time later, gazing at him with a knowing gleam in his eyes. Carlos doesn't look at him; he doesn't have the strength to face his mistakes today. TK makes a sound in the back of his throat before sitting down next to Carlos, close enough but never quite touching him. 

"The number one cure for sadness is an outrageously tight hug," TK states, almost as an afterthought. But Carlos knows better. 

He knows his boyfriend better than that. He knows TK never gives up, and he doesn't take sadness lightly. 

It's working despite his mind supplying memories from the call that sent him home. 

Carlos doesn't think he'll ever forget the image of that woman, red against concrete, life escaping through every pore, as he walked her abuser to his cruiser. Carlos couldn't save her; he hasn't been able to save so many women and children from a life of violence. He has thirty-three failures under his belt. He would know. 

He's been counting.

TK throws an arm around him tentatively and when Carlos doesn't flinch away, he tugs until Carlos is flushed against TKʼs chest, his nostrils filled with a scent that he's come to associate to his boyfriend. And in those arms, Carlos feels stronger. He feels loved. He feels human. 

TK holds him as he cries.


	21. goodbye ~ tarlos + "that’s why i never told you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** angst, spoilers for 2.04.

This wasn’t going the way Carlos had expected. It’s not that he thought this conversation with TK, whenever it took place, would have been a walk in the park. But he hadn’t expected to be walked out on after an angry fight.

He hadn’t even thought that TK would give up on him.

Carlos needs to do something. _Anything_. And it needs to be soon, because TK is almost halfway through the front yard, and his Uber is most probably around the corner waiting for him. Carlos needs to stop him.

He has the utter, dreadful feeling that, if he lets TK walk away tonight, they’ll never recover from this.

“TK, wait, please!” he calls after his boyfriend. Or at least he hopes TK is still his boyfriend. “Why don’t we get back inside and talk this through like adults?”

“You have just admitted to not having told your parents about us, Carlos,” and the way TK keeps repeating his name is making Carlos sick to his stomach. There’s no love lost on the word, just venom.

And something that, after four and a half months, Carlos has come to recognize as fear.

“Are you ashamed of me? Do you actually think I’m not good enough for you?”

And there it was, the ugliness of fear when TK turns around completely to face him.

“No,” he manages to choke out. “I could never be ashamed of you.”

“Well, you sure as hell acted like that, Carlos.” TK takes a deep breath. “How complicated can it be?”

“That’s why I never told you!” he exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. “I knew it’d be a lot to handle, and I don’t want to burden you with my family issues.”

“Too late now,” TK says in a low voice. “It’s already ruined today.” He turns around again and starts walking down to where a dark car has already pulled up.

His Uber is here.

“TK, please.” Carlos isn’t above begging, and he’s definitely whimpering now. 

But TK doesn’t seem to pay him any attention, and it’s only when he’s left alone in the dark that Carlos noticed two things. The first one, that he’s getting cold without a jacket outside.

The second is that he’s all alone with his sins and his flaws, and the ringing memory of TK’s voice rasping out accusingly that there’s now enough space in his closet.


	22. survivor's guilt ~ paul & mateo + "what kind of... dream?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** angst, mentions of minor character death, spoilers for 2.02
> 
> the prompt was _any 911 Lone Star friendship_ so i went with Paul & Mateo because i love them

Paul walks into the locker room to Mateo sitting on a bench, head down and shoulders hunched forward. He’s alone, frame shaking slightly, and Paul can’t help the feeling of dread rising in his gut. 

It’s not normal to see Mateo, who’s usually full of light, definitely cloudy on a sunny day.

“Hey, Probie, what’s up?” he greets tentatively as he steps closer to his locker, which happens to be next to where Mateo is sitting. 

“Nothing,” Mateo replies lowly. Paul can hear him sniffling. It actually sets all his instincts into work – Mateo has always been an over-sensitive kid, but Paul has never seen him crying out of the blue.

This is definitely _worrisome_.

“Well, doesn’t sound like nothing,” he says. He takes a seat next to Mateo, but he doesn’t touch him. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I just–It’s stupid.”

“It’s making you miserable,” Paul points out. “We can’t have that, remember? We’re a family, and we all want you to be happy. If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine. Just know I’m here.”

Mateo lifts his head a little, and Paul can see his eyes brimming with unshed tears. “It’s a dream.”

“What kind of… dream?” Paul says tentatively. “Like a nightmare?” It’s the only explanation he can find, because otherwise a good dream wouldn’t have gotten Mateo so upset.

“We were back at _that_ call,” Mateo explains with a shrug. “And the lava didn’t hit _just_ Tim, you know? And I was left alone.” A sob finds its way as Mateo is talking, turning his words into a stammering mess by the end of it.

Paul doesn’t even stop to think about pandemics and health safety – he throws an arm around Mateo’s shoulders and pulls him close in a hug. 

“It was a nightmare, Mateo. We’re all fine.”

“But we almost weren’t!” Mateo exclaims. “And I feel horrible because–because–”

Paul waits for him to gather his thoughts and feelings before nudging him slightly. “Because what?”

“Because I’m relieved it wasn’t any of you. Because it wasn’t _me_.”

Paul shakes his head but holds Mateo closer. Survivor’s guilt – the Captain and Judd know a lot about it. Paul’s sure they will get through it, together. 

But until then, Paul will have to be the rock Mateo needs, and help him come to terms with the fact that they all survived, and Tim didn’t.


	23. missing home ~ tarlos + being parents + "let me help you with that"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** fluff, kid!fic

TK comes back home under heavy rain to a house with all the lights on and soft music playing in the background. He drops his keys by the door and kicks off his shoes, eager to fall back into the comfortable routine of his family life.

When he tiptoes into the living room, TK’s greeted with a sight he’s been missing for whole seven days.

His husband is on the couch, two toddlers draped across his chest like little koala babies. TK’s heart warms just by watching the rise and fall of Carlos’ breathing. He tries to go to the kitchen in silence, but he fails spectacularly when his toe collides against the frame of the kitchen door and he lets out a pained yelp.

Carlos’ eyes shoot open immediately, and he turns his head wildly to check for the source of the noise. TK loves that, even when he’s still addled by slumber, Carlos slips into his protective role for their kids.

“TK,” Carlos mumbles, hands lifting to cover the kids’ backs. “When did you get back?”

“Just now,” TK whispers back, limping his way to the couch. “Didn’t mean to wake you up. Just hit my toe against the door.”

“The same door you’ve been running into since we moved here?” Carlos jokes, sitting up. He tries to stand up without jostling Christina and Tommy too much.

“Here, let me help you with that,” TK offers, picking Christina up and into his arms. “Now we can put them to bed.”

“They wanted to welcome you home,” Carlos laments. “Guess we were more tired than I had anticipated.”

TK chuckles. “Sorry I didn’t get back sooner. My flight got delayed and it was a nightmare to find a cab in this storm.”

“It’s okay,” Carlos reassures him as they make their way upstairs and into the children’s room. “They’ll be delighted to see you in the morning.”

“Is it weird that I’ve missed them this much?” TK questions. He leans in to kiss Christina’s forehead after leaving her in her cradle, and then he repeats the motion with Tommy.

“Not at all,” Carlos whispers, arms sneaking around TK’s middle. “They’ve missed you as well. And _I_ have missed you.”

“Well then,” TK replies coyly. “Let’s go make up for lost time.”

They don’t really make it to their bedroom, but at least they manage to close their kids’ door.


	24. new beginnings ~ tarlos + "that's not what you said last night"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** mentions of a panic attack, spoilers for 2.04
> 
> sequel to [goodbye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22494322/chapters/72611832), as requested by TaylorNicole

Carlos stares at their linked hands with a mix of pain and hope bubbling inside of him. He wants to believe TK’s words – _nothing ever stays the same_ – but he’s still wary. He chalks it up to not having gotten a blink of sleep last night, caught up in his guilt and his remorse.

Still, he finds it in himself to speak up, even though he knows it might end up badly for him.

“That’s not what you said last night,” he mumbles. 

“What?” TK looks utterly bewildered when Carlos dares to look up at him from their clasped hands. “Last night I said so many things I regret, Carlos.”

“Last night, it looked like,” Carlos begins, but he finds himself unable to breathe around the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry. I just–”

TK squeezes his hands and shoots him a sad smile. “I’m sorry I made you doubt us. That’s on me. I shouldn’t have told you I thought you were still in the closet. That was horrible of me.”

“But it feels like I’m in the closet, at least when it comes to my parents,” Carlos sighs. “And you shouldn’t have to deal with it. You shouldn’t have to _lie_ just because I’m a coward.”

“You, Carlos Reyes, are the bravest man I have _ever_ known,” TK reassures him. “You just wanted to protect yourself, and now I understand that you were protecting me as well. That’s not what a coward would do.”

Carlos shakes his head. He begins to pull away, to extricate his fingers from TK’s grip, but his boyfriend – and isn’t it a miracle that he hasn’t dumped him, after everything he’s put TK through in the past day – just holds on tighter. His breath starts coming out quick and shaky, and even he can recognize the tremors of a panic attack.

“Hey, hey, I’m here,” TK says, leaning forward and bringing one hand up from Carlos’ lap to his face, the other planted firmly on Carlos’ chest right above his racing heart. “Breathe with me. Nice and steady, okay? Let me help you.”

“I’m just–I’m just a failure.”

“No, you are _not_ ,” TK says firmly. “You’re scared, and you feel unsafe. But you will be okay. _We_ will be okay. I promise.”

And in that moment, looking into TK’s green eyes that bring him so much peace, Carlos allows himself to believe.

**Author's Note:**

> See something you like? Something you dislike? Something to squeal about? Please tell me!
> 
> My inbox is always open. Come join me over at [tumblr](lire-casander.tumblr.com)!


End file.
